Calamity Jon, Save Us!

5-Minute Marvels – Captain Marvel

CalamityJon — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 17:34:59 +0000

I helped out the great 5-Minute Marvel site recently with celebrating their 500th post – this time around, it was the new Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers):

CalamityJon — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:07:13 +0000

The Avengers opens in theaters in the US on May 4th, and it’s going to do blockbuster business. The individual films featuring these characters have already grossed more than $2.2 billion dollars – that’s greater than the Gross National Product of almost half the countries on Earth – and it’s not unlikely that The Avengers will earn a hundred million dollars on its opening day alone.

This represents a pretty big payday to a lot of people – the actors, obviously, will take home pretty big paychecks. The director and the writers are well-compensated, and certainly the executives who greenlighted this project get to sit back and rake in large bonuses and healthy salaries.

Well, you know where this is going; shamefully, the people who aren’t making a big profit from these movies are the people (and the families of the people) who did the essential work of creating them in the first place. It’s not just Jack Kirby, either, or (Black Widow and Hawkeye co-creator) Don Heck, but also Steve Engelhart, Peter David, Herb Trimpe, Jim Steranko, Roy Thomas and dozens more – the artists and writers who refined and defined the characters appearing in this movie, who fleshed out the original creations and molded them into the figures we cheer for when we see them on the screen.

Some very sensible people are calling for a boycott of this film on those grounds, but I think it’s fairly obvious that a boycott of idealistic comic fans isn’t going to accomplish much – it’s not only comic book fans who’ll be dropping a collective billion dollars over the next eight weeks to see this movie, it’s going to be a lot of movie-goers who haven’t read a comic since they were kids, much less know anything of the controversy.

Plus, of course, you – the collective “you”, representing comic book fans all over the world – want to see this movie. And you’re going to, most likely, right? Even though you know of the morally shady practices of Marvel towards its creators, they’ve got you hooked. Don’t be ashamed, they’ve had you hooked for years. It’s what they do.

So how about this: You’re probably going to go see The Avengers and, judging by the early reviews, you’ll probably enjoy it. How about – as a thank you to the creators who brought you these characters in the first place, who gave you something to enjoy so much – you match your ticket price as a donation to The Hero Initiative?
THI is a charity which provides essential financial assistance to comic book professionals who have fallen on hard times; for decades, the comic industry provided no financial safety net to its employees, most of whom it regarded only as freelancers and journeymen, meaning they were offered no health insurance, no unemployment insurance, no retirement plans – none of the financial support most of us enjoy from our jobs and careers. A small donation will help this agency provide a valuable safety net in times of need to these beloved entertainers.

I don’t plan on seeing The Avengers, but I’ve donated $15 – the price of a 3-D ticket – to Hero. If every concerned comic fan – every superhero aficionado who learned to live by the lessons of altruism and sacrifice taught by these comics – donated the price of their ticket, well, it may not hit a billion dollars but it’ll bring in a lot of money for a good and relevant cause.
One last note: Remember what Spider-Man always says? “With great power comes great responsibility”. The lesson in that is that everyone has great power. Spider-Man’s great power is being able to lift a bus. Your great power is the ability to help good causes do good work for good reasons – so why not go be a superhero instead of just watching them on the screen…

Jeremy: Come Through or Suffer Update (Hint: I suffer)

CalamityJon — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 22:09:09 +0000

You may recall that I gave myself what any casual observer would probably note is nothing at all resembling “an ambitious goal” of finishing an eight-page Jeremy story over a six-week period. The penalty, if I failed, was that I would donate five hundred smackers to the worst of the presidential candidates running right now, the one whose personal and political positions most opposed my own.

Well, here it is, the middle of April, and I blew the deadline badly. I can most likely blame it on my typically poor time management skills and the limited amount of time I have available for personal work on any given night, and likewise I can lay part of the blame on needing to wrap up a number of freelance gigs which had been nipping at my heels for up-to-as-long-as the attempts to finish this Jeremy story have been around. Then there was a two-week illness and an out-of-state funeral …

Whatever the case, I blew the deadline, which means I had to pay the price. The thing is … I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I certainly couldn’t afford to part with five hundred bucks out of nowhere but, more than that, I just couldn’t rationalize giving money to either of the worst candidates. I could not give money to Rick Santorum, folks. I can’t believe anyone ever could.

So here’s what I did instead: I donated a hundred dollars to a water charity. And I’m putting aside another hundred to donate to one of my pal Ben’s bi-ennial participations in a MS Society charity bike ride. As for therest, I’m setting aside the remaining three hundred for Kickstarters, Indiegogos and other charities – I’ll take suggestions.

As for Jeremy, I’m just going to keep plugging away. I still have a mountain of other freelance I need to get through – albatrosses around my neck, every one – but my goal for the rest of this month is to work out a schedule where I can spend at least half an hour every night working on nothing but Jeremy. We’ll see. More than anything, I’d like to get back into producing more Jeremy stories, and my goal is to produce at least six pages every month – it’s a lofty goal right now, but let’s see what the rest of the year brings.

The City Desk – Friday Facts for March 30, 2007

CalamityJon — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 10:05:03 +0000

The City Desk was a blog documenting the daily life and often absurd history of an unnamed, imaginary city somewhere in North America. Dozens of contributors helped give weight and breadth to this storied, anonymous urban institution over the course of several years, including yours truly.

What follows is a collection of Friday Facts, written by David Andrews, Kevin Church, S.Jones and me, which originally ran on March 30, 2007.

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Friday Facts: Eggs, Monodirevr, Stripper Parkas

:: This Saturday is the 34th annual Last Year’s Easter Egg Hunt at Whittinger’s Park. The Greek Gardening Consortium insists that they hid more than 12 eggs and that if the rest aren’t found there will be no 35th annual Easter Egg Hunt at Whittinger’s Park.

:: Acts of violence committed against actors dressed as “Ronald McDonald” since 1980: 17

:: Acts of violence committed against actors dressed as “The Hamburglar” since 1980: 12

:: Acts of violence committed against actors dressed as “Birdy the Early Bird” since 1980: 30

:: Apples are the third most popular fruit currently sold at Haspiel’s Produce.

:: When asked, in a 2006 Evening Press poll, which insect they’d be most willing to eat “if worse came to worse,” the majority of the respondents preferred “crickets.”

:: Jumbo, P.T. Barnum’s famous elephant, visited the city seven times before he was killed in a locomotive accident in 1885, and once after.

:: Exotic dancers are required to wear jackets during the Winter season, according to a 2002 city ordinance, as part of a concerted effort to reduce instances of cold and flu.

:: A regionally-produced version of the popular board game Monopoly incorrectly spelled “Moondriver Blvd” as “Monodirevr Lvbd.”

:: The city’s original mounted police force was disbanded in 1970. It was reformed in its current incarnation in 1992.

:: The Dog Run at Mabel Tripp Gardens features a colored concrete map of Northern Europe as it existed during the Napoleonic era, as well as a timeline of the Little Emperor’s assorted battles and conquests. There is also an interactive water feature (visitors are politely requested to not squirt the dogs).

PIES … for a DOLLAR!

CalamityJon — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 16:16:43 +0000

At every con, signing or show, I like to make available inexpensive illustrations for folks to take home as their very own. I realize that cons are expensive to get to and expensive to get into, so I consider it a mitzvah to offer something original, unique and fun for only pocket change. Generally … I draw pies. Anything from delicious pies (like apple and banana) to horrible pies (like poison apple and zombie pie) to nerd pies (the vaaaaaast majority of pies I draw). Whatever pie you want to suggest, I’m more than happy to draw it for you.

I’ll be drawing pies at Emerald City Comic Con starting tomorrow and running through Saturday, although I am considering retiring the pies after this – so this may be your last chance to get a custom pie of your choosing (heavens forfend!)

And now – a small selection of pies I have drawn:

Emerald City Comic Con is Tomorrow!

CalamityJon — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 15:56:49 +0000

Emerald City Comic Con 2012 starts tomorrow! Be sure to swing by Table F-13 in Artists Alley to say “hi” to Adam Watson and yours truly. In addition to all the stuff I’ve been mentioning over the past two weeks – the scientific pamphlets, the Jeremy collections – we’ll have prints, original art, Adam’s brilliant Instant Puppet Eyes, plus we’ll be offering live drawings-on-site for low, low prices. I, for instance, will be drawing pies … for a dollar! (More about that later)

Also, Adam and I will be previewing our upcoming new webcomic collaboration, THE MATCHSAFE, by way of this sixteen-page sketchbook featuring Adam’s and my preliminary artwork for the ongoing series. We’ll be offering a limited number of copies of the book for the low, low price of three whole bucks, every penny of which will go to help pay for the expenses involved in the endeavor. It’s like a little Kickstarter of your very own, plus previews of the series you won’t see anywhere else!

Right, so, TOMORROW! EMERALD CITY! Swing by the table (That’s F-13) and we hope to see you there!

Emerald City Comic Con – Mint Condition show at the LTD Art Gallery

CalamityJon — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 16:16:15 +0000

In addition to having a table in Artists Alley at Emerald City Comic Con (Table F-13), I’ll also have a piece in the above show – MINT CONDITION – at the Ltd. Art Gallery, 307 E Pike St (Walking distance from the convention center). Join us at the reception on Friday night from 7pm-10pm, I’ll be dropping by myself once I get my table cleaned up at ECCC. See you there!

Emerald City Comic Con – Starts this Friday!

CalamityJon — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 15:54:30 +0000

Just a reminder that Emerald City Comic Con starts this Friday – swing by Table F-13 in Artists Alley to visit my tablemate and collaborator Adam Watson and me! See you there!

The City Desk – The Spaghetti Giant

CalamityJon — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:59:08 +0000

What follows is an article, written by me, which originally ran on March 28, 2007.

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What a Character!: The Spaghetti Giant

A recurring series in which we take a look back at the city’s most familiar advertising icons.

What stands twenty-five feet tall, wears a toga with a garland of grape leaves and was a fixture of the city’s “Restaurant Row” for thirty-five years? If you said “The Spaghetti Giant,” then are you ever correct!

Between 1949 and 1984, the Family Italiano restaurant at the corner of Finnegan Curve and Finnegan Row was not only famous for its inexpensive, family-style buffet dinners and heaping plates of its trademark spaghetti and lasagna dishes, but for the titanic plaster mascot which stood proudly in the center of its parking lot.

Literally tens of thousands of area children have squealed in delight from the gates of their parents’ station wagons as they’ve pulled into the parking lot, seeing the beaming face of the Giant looking protectively across the rows of patrons’ automobiles (While dozens of area teenagers may remember the homecoming night tradition of sneaking under the Giant’s toga and painting school slogans across his massive inner thighs).

The Spaghetti Giant became such an inspired and recognized icon that he quickly found his way – in a much-less colossal illustrated form – onto the menu, promotional plastic cups, novelty bibs and more!

The Spaghetti Giant – and the Family Italiano restaurant itself – were both the brainchild of Giuseppe “Jerry Joe” Vivaldi, a first generation American son of Italian immigrants, and the eldest of ten children.

As a young man, Jerry Joe grew frustrated with the lack of authentic Italian restaurants in the city. When he opened the Family Italiano in 1949, there were only three other Italian restaurants, none of which were owned or operated by genuine Italian cooks or families (Two were owned by Swedish and Australian families, respectively, and the third was Swiss engineer Werner van der Hoef’s ill-conceived “Italian Automat,” which closed after only seven weeks of operation and a catastrophic fire which burned for three days).

For Jerry Joe, dinner was an event involving piling helpings of his mother’s good food, and his nine sisters and brothers clamoring for thick slices of lasagna and heaping bowls of linguini. These were the sorts of meals he brought to the Family Italiano, but more than that, Jerry Joe brought his own brand of showmanship.

Purchasing a twenty-five foot tall plaster Paul Bunyan giant “muffler man” from a local failing auto repair shop, Jerry Joe had it installed on the restaurant property. The canny and cost-conscious Jerry Joe traded hearty, home-cooked meals with local fraternities in exchange for the labor necessary to transform the towering Bunyan into Vivaldi’s vision of a suitable Spaghetti Giant mascot. Three Greek houses and two sororities contributed their efforts, repainting the figure, shaving off Bunyan’s beard, casting a toga out of plaster and replacing the axe with a delicious-looking but ultimately inedible eight-times larger-than-life bowl of plaster spaghetti.

(Here’s a Fun Fact: Leftover house paint from Jerry Joe’s own bungalow was used to paint the Spaghetti Giant’s patented bowl of spaghetti. Between the years of 1953 and 1961, local house paint distributors were more popularly asked for tins of “Spaghetti Giant Yellow” than any other custom color request!)

While the Family Italiano restaurant itself is long-gone, the Spaghetti Giant itself continues to live on, in a fashion.

Increasing gentrification of the area forced Jerry Joe to close his doors, as his budget-conscious pricing couldn’t keep apace of ever-increasing property taxes. In 1994, the vacant restaurant – still under the watchful eye of the Spaghetti Giant – was sold to a local restauranteur and transformed into Le Café Bruleé.

Unfortunately for the new owners, stricter zoning laws prohibited the erection of new signage alongside any corner-oriented establishment – including the newly founded, upper-class French eatery. If the Spaghetti Giant were torn down, according to local law, no sign could go up to replace him.

This is why you might have noticed a widely grinning, twenty-five foot tall sous-chef currently populating the corner of Finnegan Curve and Finnegan Row. It seems that the Spaghetti Giant himself may be gone, but – in whatever form he may take – he remains a vibrant thread in the fabric of this city’s most meaningful advertising icons.

Emerald City Comic Con – Table Preview Part 2!

CalamityJon — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:17:02 +0000

Another preview of material you’ll be able to find at the booth I’ll be sharing with Adam Watson in Artists Alley at Emerald City next week (F-13): A selection of SCIENTIFIC PAMPHLETS BY AND FOR GENIUSES. Edumicate yourself on these vital topics of our age…

All for a measly buck each! Education never came so cheap!

But wait, there’s more – for a mere eight bits extra, tune yourself into the essential document of keeping the Planet of the Apes from Happening, entitled “How To Keep The Planet of the Apes From Happening”!

Five bucks makes you the most educated person on the planet, can you beat that?

(All pamphlets will be available in my Etsy store following the Con…)