:: Number of years between the founding of the city and its incorporation- 19

:: This Sunday marks thirty years since the closing of the Hearth’s Delight Confectionaries factory, here in the heart of the city. Here are some of the fondly-remembered candies and sweets manufactured by this hometown Willy Wonka: Caramel Flats, Chocolate Hailstones, Dices, Ring-O-Ding-A’s, Strippies, Freaking Flip-Outs, Comfort Bar, Silver Nuggets, Sticks N’ Stones, Peach Boys, Rev-Em-Ups, Red Snappers, Mouth Umbrellas, Sasquatch Bar and Coconut Sasquatch Bar.

:: Square miles annexed to the city since 1970 (2005)- 9.1

:: Only resident of the city to be featured on a foreign nation’s postage- local poet Jakob Kaczala on Poland’s .25 zloty (about 33 cents) stamp

:: Current Value (in dollars) of a mint-condition copy of the stamp- 25 cents

:: The top sandwich at the As You Like It Deli (the one on Casper Street)- The Krazy Kat— sauerkraut, chopped liver, and peanut butter on one slice of rye and one pancake.

:: Today marks the eighty-seventh birthday of locally-born food scientist Professor Alfred Cash Delaney, inventor of the mini-marshmallow. Professor Delaney has described his time spent developing his compact culinary creation as “very difficult.”

“People tell me ‘It’s just a small marshmallow,’ what’s the big deal?’” said the Professor during a 1976 interview, “I say to them, ‘Why don’t you try to make a very tiny television set, see how far you get!’”

:: Cause of yesterday’s traffic snarl on the Westbridge Bridge: A parakeet named Cassius playfully escaped from his cage in owner Laura Prescott’s 1984 Nissan Sentra and playfully pecked at Prescott’s neck while she drove, sending her into the guardrail. Cassius was uninjured. Ms. Prescott’s condition was not known as of press time.

:: The No-Smoking ordinance passed in 1999 prohibits smokers from lighting up inside restaurants, bars, theaters, common areas in multi-family residences and within fifty feet of school properties, but oddly enough allows smoking in churches, libraries and gymnasiums.

:: Number of major-party vice-presidential candidates born here (1804 – 2004)- 3

::In six of the eight school districts within the city, the following elective sports are acceptable alternatives to regular Phys.Ed classes- Bowling, Beginner SCUBA, Intermediate SCUBA, Crossbow Hunting and RC Demolition Derby

:: Until 1992, an ordinance banned the use of two-letter state codes on outgoing official city correspondence. The ordinance was lifted in 1997, briefly reinstated in 1998, and then lifted again.

:: Number of statues in the city dedicated to Santa’s reindeer- Eight

It’s eleven days until New Year’s Eve, which means downtown visitors can expect to see the familiar figures of regional holiday characters Little Paul, Manuel the Turk and John Portuguese wandering the Central Corridor, Downtown, Boardwalk, South Factoryville and Daisyland Amusement districts.

Inspired by a tradition which dates as far back as 1780, the three figures are typically portrayed by a trio of the city’s less fortunate population of indigents, decked out in the familiar brown, green and violet robes and smocks of the three immigrant troublemakers. The legend has it that the original Paul, Manuel and John spent the eleven days prior to New Year’s and the three days immediately following involved in a series of misadventures and mischief, beginning with an escape from bonded servitude under their Dutch taskmasters and ending with the theft of cranberry tarts from a local baker, the acquisition of stolen kisses from one of the city’s prominent matrons, and the burning to the ground of the Lord Governor’s mansion and stable of horses.

The City’s holiday shoppers and Christmastime lookie-loos are encouraged to gift the wandering figures with candy treats and small amounts of money. Tight-pursed passers-by might be met with the mocking tones of the trio’s derisive song:

“We three mischief makers Little Paul, Manuel the Turk and John Portuguese, Are not so wicked as the lot of these Who daren’t give us sweets or coin!”

Children often join in the malicious tune, and are encouraged to jeer and stamp their feet loudly at the end of the ditty, or to follow the offending targets until they relent and give some tribute to the three wanderers.

In 1988, legislation was passed to limit the number of Little Pauls, Manuel the Turks and John Portugueses wandering the downtown area, as homeless persons from three neighboring states had, increasingly over the years, taken to virtually flooding the streets in an attempt to make off with their share of holiday charity. Such shenanigans led to the infamous John Portuguese mob riots of 1984, which ended in the suspension from duty of twelve police officers and the death of an Oregon hobo.

Nowadays, the City’s homeless hopefuls audition for the roles before a group of judges selected by the City Council. Unauthorized masqueraders may find themselves literally run out of town on a rail, during the New Year’s Eve festivities at the Coalborough Railyards.

Participants’ costumes are kindly sewn each year by the Ladies’ Lodge for Uprightness, a former women’s anti-suffrage organization (Their motto: “Helping those who are bootless to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, which will be provided.”) lately given to bake sales and scholarship drives.